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Thayer Juergens


Thayer is a Junior CWRU Political Science, English, Theatre (Acting) major. Here are some quick facts. He’s a ten-foot tall beast man, who showers in vodka, and feeds his baby shrimp scampi. Thayer’s family crest is a picture of a barracuda eating Neil Armstrong. He framed Roger Rabbit. Thayer named the group ShaNaNa. They did not want to be called that. He killed Wolfman Jack with a trident. Thayer’s friends once had a bachelor party for him. He ate the entire cake before they could tell him there was a stripper in it. Thayer used to wear a white coat and tails and walk his cobra through the park on a leash. He named the cobra Beverly, and he taught it how to fetch and dial a phone. But then one day it bit the maid. So with tears in his eyes, Thayer had to shoot the maid.

Page last modified: February 8, 2017