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Lajuan Foust

The Not Gold Digger and the BrothaMan

– By Hans Christian Anderson

Once upon a time there was a prince (Prince BrothaMan) who wanted to marry a white woman; but she would have to be a real white woman and NOT a Gold Digger. He traveled all over the world to find one, but nowhere could he get what he wanted. There were white women enough, but it was difficult to find out whether they were real ones. There was always something Gold Digging about them that was not as it should be. So he came home again and was sad, for he would have liked very much to have a real white woman.

One evening a terrible storm came on; there was thunder and lightning, and the rain poured down in torrents. Suddenly a knocking was heard at the city gate, and the old king Dolemite went to open it.

It was a white woman standing out there in front of the gate. But, good gracious! what a sight the rain and the wind had made her look. The water ran down from her hair and clothes; it ran down into the toes of her shoes and out again at the heels. And yet she said that she was a real white woman.

“Well, we’ll soon find that out,” thought the old queen, Aretha Franklin. But she said nothing, went into the bed-room, took all the bedding off the bedstead, and laid a long brown shaft on the bottom; then she took twenty mattresses and laid them on the long brown shaft, and then twenty eider-down beds on top of the mattresses.

On this the white woman had to lie all night. In the morning she was asked how she had slept.

“Oh, very badly!” said she. “I have scarcely closed my eyes all night. Heaven only knows what was in the bed, but I was lying on something hard, so that I am black and blue all over my body. It’s horrible!”

Now they knew that she was a real white woman because she had felt the long brown shaft right through the twenty mattresses and the twenty eider-down beds.

Nobody but a real white woman could be as sensitive as that.

So the prince took her for his “White Chocolate Property”, for now he knew that he had a real white woman; and the long brown shaft was put in the museum, where it may still be seen, if no one has stolen it.

There, that is a true story.

Page last modified: January 7, 2015